Wednesday, October 27, 2010

With you in your dreams....

My last blog, that I posted on Monday morning, was about cancer and those that were battling it and trying to overcome it. A few hours after I posted that blog, my aunt that I spoke about lost her battle with cancer. She left us here and went on to be with her husband who passed away two months ago. I wasn't sure if I believed in soul mates and true love until now. My aunt spent 8 years taking care of my uncle after he got sick. Taking care of him through numerous surgeries, including heart bypass.  When he passed away, her will to live and her will to fight was gone. The love of her life, of 50 years, was gone, and she wanted nothing more than to be with him. Unfortunately, her death was unexpected and sudden for her three children. My cousins have lost both of their parents in two months.  Two months. I have no idea what to say to them. I'm heartbroken for them and the pain they are going through right now. My father lost his sister. My grandmother has to bury her child. No mother ever thinks they will live long enough to bury their own child. I don't know how she will get through this. 

My aunt's death scares me. I spent a lot of my childhood with my Aunt Shirley...growing up she was my family's personal hair cutter. We saw her every month - one of us always needed a trim. We went over for holidays and spent weekends there when my parents were away. Her death scares me. Are my parents really at the age where I have to think of this as a possibility?  Did my aunt and uncle really live out their full time?  Did they really live as long as they should have? My parents are in their 50's and I am expecting them to live at least another 20 years. But my aunt only made it to her 60's. I don't want to even think about my parents passing away. But is it a reality I need to come to terms with? 

I was thinking the other day about how final death is. One day, we will wake up and those around us will no longer be here. One day, we will no longer exist.  That scares me. The first 26 years of my life flew by. Will the next 25 fly by as well? Why can't we all live forever? 

I don't know what I'm going to say when I see my family tomorrow. I can only stress to them that my heart goes out to them and how much I care about them. I don't know what else to do. We all feel so helpless... 

If I'm gone when you wake up
Please don't cry 
And if I'm gone when you wake up
Please don't sigh
Don't look back at this time as a time
Of heartbreak and distress
Remember me, remember me
'Cause I'll be with you in your dreams 

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